When I was in 4th grade I went swimming at my mom’s friends neighbors place. A small, in-ground pool nestled in the emerald green forests of the Appalachians. The only ladder out of the pool was missing a top step, but still retained it’s rusted screws of considerable girth. On my way out of the pool, I let my left hand slide down the railing of the ladder. The screw sliced open my entire little finger from base to tip requiring 14 stitches. I remember my mom rushing me to the car, holding my arm up and out the window in the back seat, blood running down my arm, but I don’t remember any pain until the shot of local anesthesia that my crack-pot doctor gave me. When I cried out, he threatened to give me another if I didn’t be quiet. I watched him stitch my flesh back together slowly, marveling at the lack of sensation. His unskilled stitching caused a large, white knot in the center of my finger instead of a long, even scar.

...rather phallic in nature...

Medicine, and doctors, have progressed since then – greatly. Incisions are now being sealed without the use of stitches. Mine were sealed with an adhesive (most likely DermaBond) and covered with a tape that I thought would hurt to all seven levels of hell. I even had a dream of it the night before I had the tape removed. A dear coworker yanked them off me mercilessly. The next day, my surgeon yanked them off fiercely, but they fell off easily like skin on a cooked chicken.

So I have FIVE incisions…five of them. Not four as stated erroneously on the video. The topmost one, nearest to the bust, is a little sore as is the one at the “waist crease”.

I completely forgot to mention the $25,553.13 discount that’s given. Total amount pending insurance is $38,329.70.

I am super tired today. Covering an early shift for a sick coworker. So this post isn’t very coherent.

Me go sleep nao…